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“I came out to my dad when I was 13. I went to see a counselor, lied that I was with a friend & that same friend called home! When he asked me, I told him it was because I felt I wasn’t meant to be a boy.
He said it was a phase & I continued to live with my truth. I tried to put my real self into a box & forget about it. But I reached a breaking point. At 16, I stole money & ran away. In the train, the reality of it all dawned on me.
From Delhi, I called & consoled my crying mom. The next day, my dad came to take me back & he asked in a shaky voice, ‘What did we do wrong?’ I've never felt worse. I decided to make something of myself for my parents. I wanted to make films, but I had to ‘settle’, so I applied to engineering colleges.
That’s where I heard the word ‘transsexual.’ It just fit–I found an identity. But I felt that changing my biological sex couldn’t be a reality. Frustrated, I fell into depression. I had 2 dreams–films & being a woman. Both seemed distant.
It took me 2 years to go to film school. There, I made a documentary on transgenders & sex reassignment. When my dad saw it, he asked ‘when are you doing it?’ I still remember that.
My treatment in Bombay was tough. I was harassed & once when my dad called I broke down.
He ordered me to come home and continue my treatment, there I was afraid of what people would say & I'd never go out. I looked androgynous because of hormones. But my parents had told our neighbours to address me with my new name & identity.
Over time I felt like that little box from my childhood had opened. I’m still coloured with mild depression. It's been a long journey–I spent years finding something to define me. And now that I have–I feel at home.
Most of all, I’m so grateful to have a family that stands by me in ways I hadn't even imagined. My parents have been my pillars. My father says that he always wanted a girl and now that’s exactly who I am...daddy’s little girl.”
HoB with Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga bring to you unexpected & heartwarming stories of people who show that love is love & the world would be a better place if we #setlovefree. Find the trailer link in the bio.