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  • amandagist - Health Over Hollywood @amandagist 34 minutes ago
  • 17/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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Sometimes I wonder how I got lucky enough to be gifted with depression and anxiety and bipolar and eating disorders. I wonder what I did wrong in a past life to be dealing with these monstrosities of the human mind now - in my current life, every minute of every day. I wonder who I need to call and what list I need to get my name off of in order to live a “normal” life with “normal” emotions and a “normal” relationship with food. (Also: you can see how I feel about the word normal.)
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I wonder these things on days like today when my anxiety was through the roof and I was drowning myself in lavender oil and doing all the deep breathing in public places.
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But then at the end of the day on my drive home I realized something was different. This time in dealing with my anxiety I knew there would be a tomorrow. I knew I wouldn’t feel this way forever. I knew this was a wave to ride and nothing more.
Not a life sentence.
Not something wrong with me.
Not something I caused.
Not something I have control over.
Just ...something. A thing. That happens. To me. And about 7.3% of the rest of the world on a daily basis.
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And with that realization came the freedom of knowing that I get to feed my puppy and wash my face and do my ketamine and meditate and go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow with the possibility of not swimming in anxiety. And that possibility is enough to get me through tonight. 
Knowing this isn’t forever is enough to get me through tonight.
Knowing I’m not alone is enough to get me through tonight.
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So if you’re struggling tonight, know this: it’s not forever. Mental illness may not be curable but it’s treatable and manageable and that means your tomorrows don’t have to look like your todays.
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Know that you’ve done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you and you’re not broken or damaged or any of the other things we like to think of ourselves as when depression or anxiety takes hold of our thoughts.
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But mostly, know that you’re not alone. That we’re out here with you, working through the same shit & trying to stay above water until the tide breaks.
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We can do this.
Keep hope.

Love from here. 17/365 | #thisisrecovery365 . Sometimes I wonder how I got lucky enough to be gifted with depression and anxiety and bipolar and eating disorders. I wonder what I did wrong in a past life to be dealing with these monstrosities of the human mind now - in my current life, every minute of every day. I wonder who I need to call and what list I need to get my name off of in order to live a “normal” life with “normal” emotions and a “normal” relationship with food. (Also: you can see how I feel about the word normal.) . I wonder these things on days like today when my anxiety was through the roof and I was drowning myself in lavender oil and doing all the deep breathing in public places. . But then at the end of the day on my drive home I realized something was different. This time in dealing with my anxiety I knew there would be a tomorrow. I knew I wouldn’t feel this way forever. I knew this was a wave to ride and nothing more. Not a life sentence. Not something wrong with me. Not something I caused. Not something I have control over. Just ...something. A thing. That happens. To me. And about 7.3% of the rest of the world on a daily basis. . And with that realization came the freedom of knowing that I get to feed my puppy and wash my face and do my ketamine and meditate and go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow with the possibility of not swimming in anxiety. And that possibility is enough to get me through tonight. Knowing this isn’t forever is enough to get me through tonight. Knowing I’m not alone is enough to get me through tonight. . So if you’re struggling tonight, know this: it’s not forever. Mental illness may not be curable but it’s treatable and manageable and that means your tomorrows don’t have to look like your todays. . Know that you’ve done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you and you’re not broken or damaged or any of the other things we like to think of ourselves as when depression or anxiety takes hold of our thoughts. . But mostly, know that you’re not alone. That we’re out here with you, working through the same shit & trying to stay above water until the tide breaks. . We can do this. Keep hope. Love from here.
  • 17/365 | #thisisrecovery365 . Sometimes I wonder how I got lucky enough to be gifted with depression and anxiety and bipolar and eating disorders. I wonder what I did wrong in a past life to be dealing with these monstrosities of the human mind now - in my current life, every minute of every day. I wonder who I need to call and what list I need to get my name off of in order to live a “normal” life with “normal” emotions and a “normal” relationship with food. (Also: you can see how I feel about the word normal.) . I wonder these things on days like today when my anxiety was through the roof and I was drowning myself in lavender oil and doing all the deep breathing in public places. . But then at the end of the day on my drive home I realized something was different. This time in dealing with my anxiety I knew there would be a tomorrow. I knew I wouldn’t feel this way forever. I knew this was a wave to ride and nothing more. Not a life sentence. Not something wrong with me. Not something I caused. Not something I have control over. Just ...something. A thing. That happens. To me. And about 7.3% of the rest of the world on a daily basis. . And with that realization came the freedom of knowing that I get to feed my puppy and wash my face and do my ketamine and meditate and go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow with the possibility of not swimming in anxiety. And that possibility is enough to get me through tonight. Knowing this isn’t forever is enough to get me through tonight. Knowing I’m not alone is enough to get me through tonight. . So if you’re struggling tonight, know this: it’s not forever. Mental illness may not be curable but it’s treatable and manageable and that means your tomorrows don’t have to look like your todays. . Know that you’ve done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you and you’re not broken or damaged or any of the other things we like to think of ourselves as when depression or anxiety takes hold of our thoughts. . But mostly, know that you’re not alone. That we’re out here with you, working through the same shit & trying to stay above water until the tide breaks. . We can do this. Keep hope. Love from here.
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  • recovering_emily - Em @recovering_emily 1 hour ago
  • Dinner with my boy - spaghetti with @gardein vegan meatballs and spinach🤤 We made homemade marina sauce for the first time and it was sooo good. It took an hour to simmer, but it was totally worth it. -
I ended up having another bowl of pasta & 3 more meatballs and I feel so guilty. I made a poor choice and took a 2 hour nap afterward - I have delayed gastric emptying due to years of restricting/purging, and laying down flat right after eating makes it even worse. The result is still feeling just as full 4 hours after eating. Feeling full is really hard for me to cope with, so I’m not doing too well at the moment. Trying to just remind me that the fullness will pass. -
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Today was the first day I had all 3 meals in awhile, so I’ve convinced myself I’ve gained loads of weight. I convinced my dietician I’m ready to see my weight (I’m not) so I’m already terrified for my next weigh in 2 weeks from now. -
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On the positive side, I shared a wonderful meal with my boy after a month apart. The time spent together was much more valuable to me than restricting this meal would’ve been ❤️
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I hope you all have a wonderful Friday! Dinner with my boy - spaghetti with @gardein vegan meatballs and spinach🤤 We made homemade marina sauce for the first time and it was sooo good. It took an hour to simmer, but it was totally worth it. - I ended up having another bowl of pasta & 3 more meatballs and I feel so guilty. I made a poor choice and took a 2 hour nap afterward - I have delayed gastric emptying due to years of restricting/purging, and laying down flat right after eating makes it even worse. The result is still feeling just as full 4 hours after eating. Feeling full is really hard for me to cope with, so I’m not doing too well at the moment. Trying to just remind me that the fullness will pass. - - Today was the first day I had all 3 meals in awhile, so I’ve convinced myself I’ve gained loads of weight. I convinced my dietician I’m ready to see my weight (I’m not) so I’m already terrified for my next weigh in 2 weeks from now. - - On the positive side, I shared a wonderful meal with my boy after a month apart. The time spent together was much more valuable to me than restricting this meal would’ve been ❤️ - I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!
  • Dinner with my boy - spaghetti with @gardein vegan meatballs and spinach🤤 We made homemade marina sauce for the first time and it was sooo good. It took an hour to simmer, but it was totally worth it. - I ended up having another bowl of pasta & 3 more meatballs and I feel so guilty. I made a poor choice and took a 2 hour nap afterward - I have delayed gastric emptying due to years of restricting/purging, and laying down flat right after eating makes it even worse. The result is still feeling just as full 4 hours after eating. Feeling full is really hard for me to cope with, so I’m not doing too well at the moment. Trying to just remind me that the fullness will pass. - - Today was the first day I had all 3 meals in awhile, so I’ve convinced myself I’ve gained loads of weight. I convinced my dietician I’m ready to see my weight (I’m not) so I’m already terrified for my next weigh in 2 weeks from now. - - On the positive side, I shared a wonderful meal with my boy after a month apart. The time spent together was much more valuable to me than restricting this meal would’ve been ❤️ - I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!
  • 37 3
  • hoping.healing - Started outpatient 08/14/18 @hoping.healing 2 hours ago
  • #recoverywin 🙌🏻
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I decided I was craving brownies AND I made the brownie mixture I had in my cabinet. I even had some of the mixture with my husband!😋
For some reason, this is still a tad easier than ice cream. My dietitian says my eating disorder is being compliant with most foods but restricting a few to hold onto me a little tighter..so I’m doing my best to fight this. Conquering deserts at home on the couch will be my biggest battle, but I feel ready to fight it despite this awful anxiety I’m experiencing lately. Let’s hope eating these brownies goes well, but getting up to actually make them was a big step. #recovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexiarecovery #healing #venting (Also, I took my vitamin D today finally. I am hoping raising these very low levels helps with the exhaustion I’m feeling.) #recoverywin 🙌🏻 • • I decided I was craving brownies AND I made the brownie mixture I had in my cabinet. I even had some of the mixture with my husband!😋 For some reason, this is still a tad easier than ice cream. My dietitian says my eating disorder is being compliant with most foods but restricting a few to hold onto me a little tighter..so I’m doing my best to fight this. Conquering deserts at home on the couch will be my biggest battle, but I feel ready to fight it despite this awful anxiety I’m experiencing lately. Let’s hope eating these brownies goes well, but getting up to actually make them was a big step. #recovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexiarecovery #healing #venting (Also, I took my vitamin D today finally. I am hoping raising these very low levels helps with the exhaustion I’m feeling.)
  • #recoverywin 🙌🏻 • • I decided I was craving brownies AND I made the brownie mixture I had in my cabinet. I even had some of the mixture with my husband!😋 For some reason, this is still a tad easier than ice cream. My dietitian says my eating disorder is being compliant with most foods but restricting a few to hold onto me a little tighter..so I’m doing my best to fight this. Conquering deserts at home on the couch will be my biggest battle, but I feel ready to fight it despite this awful anxiety I’m experiencing lately. Let’s hope eating these brownies goes well, but getting up to actually make them was a big step. #recovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexiarecovery #healing #venting (Also, I took my vitamin D today finally. I am hoping raising these very low levels helps with the exhaustion I’m feeling.)
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