Had an amazing dinner at Souplantation. I had a looong rough week so this was much needed. Now I need to get ready to go back to school tomorrow. I’m sorry I’ve been so boring lately. I’ve been busy with school, track, and my shows, but I promise I’ll have more time later.
I painted this rose this week and I’m so proud of myself. Since I stopped making it mandatory for myself to share everything I do creatively on Instagram I’ve been creating more. I’ve been trying new things. And I’ve been watercoloring so much more. Because it’s just fun and there’s no pressure for it to be perfect for Instagram.
But this rose is the first thing I’m sharing and I think I’m sharing it because even though I can acknowledge it’s good there’s still things I don’t like and wish were different.
But isn’t that everything we do? We always feel like we can do better. We’re never content to stop and look around and be okay with doing our best. We’re not excited to look at how much work it’ll take to get to a place where things are professional quality. We want it now.
This relates directly to my want to lose weight. I frequently want to lose all the weight today. Or in 6 months. Not in years. That would always trip me up when I was dieting. The fact that gratification wouldn’t be here for years to come. So I’d essentially be miserable for years until I was thin. I never stopped and looked around and was just okay with where I was at. And that’s why we need to work on body acceptance and body love as is in the moment.
Not everything can be perfect. Most things aren’t even close.
Be impressed by them anyways.
Look at them and enjoy them as is.
What have you done recently that you can stop and appreciate as is?
Hellouu, ayer no publiqué porque mis comidas fueron de locos... Literal. Hoy comí ya más “normal” *fueron dos días de ansiedad por comer de todo y fue muy frustrante, hoy ya no podía permitirme comer de esa manera* •Me compré fear foods hoy‼️
•Comí aguacate 2 veces al día y no sé como sentirme al respecto.
•Tuve un ataque de ansiedad porque pensé que mi mamá le echó aceite al pollo y me puse a llorar horrible y al final ella me juró que era la grasa natural del pollo y me “tranquilicé” la sopa estaba deliciosa, de igual forma me sentí culpable en la cena por la grasa del pollo y el aguacate :/ pero todo bien💚
🥜Nuez y linaza
🍕Causa de pollo:
🥔Papa hervida con limón y ají amarillo
🍗Pollo hervido con verduras
🌻Semillas de girasol
🍗Pechuga de pollo hervida
Hoy comí mucho en mi merienda xdd, y estaba re "No voy a cenar, ya estoy llena", pero se me pasó la "llenura" y terminé con hambre y pude cenar XD <3
LINK TO FULL STORY IN BIO!!! I was born in SLC, Utah. I could hear until I was one year old, then I became deaf because of an ear infection. I am the only deaf person in family. We moved to Clearfield, UT when I was around one year old then Moved in Layton, Utah around 2 years old. I learned the first sign language of ABC's at that age at home. I learned from someone who taught me with cookies lol… I still remember.
Everything had been good with family until I was 5 years old, then I was physically abused, emotion abused, sexually abused, raped and molested by family. When I was 8 years old, I fell asleep in our bus after deaf school, people never woke me up. I remember I woke up around 6pm in the bus and noticed there was no one around. I was so scared so I opened the window and yelled for 15 minutes until the bus driver finally heard me and found me then brought me to his office. I thought my parents were coming to pick me up, but I was wrong. A man came to get me and he brought me home. When I got home my family didn’t say anything. They looked like they never knew what happened to me. They did not give me a hug as if they were worried about me. The next day, I did not want go school. I really became afraid that falling asleep on a bus will happen again to me so I hid in my closet. My parents looked for me everywhere and did not find me. When I came out and my parents did find me, they were so upset and my step dad slapped my face so hard.
I was so sick of being hurt. I was afraid of my parents who forced me to go school. At 10 years old, I tried to kill myself because I was so tired of the pain. I tried, but my sister caught me and stopped me. At 12 years old, I found my new best friend…meth. When I was high, I did not feel any pain. From 12 to 17 years old, I learned about different drugs and I was drinking with teenagers and always got high to numb my real feelings of pain.
LINK TO FULL STORY IN BIO!! #recoveryrockstars#recoverywin#wedorecover#recoveryispossible#recoveryosworthit#sober#soberstories#soberaf#soberissexy#soberlife#soberliving#breakthestigma#recovery#sober#soberfitness#sobermovement#recoverystories#endthestigma#alcoho
Edamame, sushi, my favorite person (@laurengorder )... couldn’t ask for more ✨
I can’t believe I used to be so afraid of carbs. Carbs is our primary energy source! I remember when I cut out carbs, I was always tired, couldn’t do many thing I had to and I wanted to, and basically didn’t function as a human, and what was worse, i just ended up making my brain literally shrunken. I used to have really good memory but it’s gone. Cutting back carb intake and basically any nutrients is so dangerous. We need energy. We need to eat. Food is for pleasure as well as necessity. There’s no food that is bad for you unless it is burned, molded, or spited out by someone else’s mouth. Eat what makes you feel happy. You don’t need to cut back on any nutrients and the food you enjoy. Diet culture makes us insecure about our appearance and how we act around food. But we are not defeated by it! We are trying so hard to unlearn diet culture we have been trapped in for so long! Food freedom is truly amazing. Get it back. We don’t need to be ashamed of how we look and what we eat. We are individually responsible for our own health. It’s not for their responsibility. If you get negative comments about your body/overall appearance/food choice, say “I appreciate you caring about me, but what I eat and how I look are not your business.” Please make sure you set boundaries with those who makes you shitty about yourself.
I hope you had a good weekend😉✨ #recovery#edrecovery#eatingdisorderrecovery#eatingdisorder#mentalillness#anorexiarecovery#recoveryisworthit#recoverywin#recoveryispossible#mentalhealth#support#together#youarenotalone#acceptance#selflove#bodyacceptance#bodydiversity#respect#diet#fitness#fuckdietculture#food#sushi#freedom#friends#love#thankyou
Spontaneous ham and cheese croissant and hot chocolate at uni this morning. Was planning on restricting today but now that plan has gone out the window which I’m kind of annoyed at myself now 😩 I was also planning on going to the gym tonight but I know I need to go straight home to work on these essays that are due Friday. Anxiety and depression are really hard to deal with today
Our decisions and actions are based off of what we believe will either bring in what we love or get rid of something we don’t like.
Bringing in only what you like sounds ideal yes? Actually, not the case all the time as our mind tends to complicate things a bit more.
We get rid of things we don’t like because we don’t want to repeat our pains of the past. You may have had challenges with friends, work, relationships, family, health, wealth that you don’t want to experience again.
However this can also prevent us from stepping into personal and professional experiences that would actually be inspiring. If we link any of our challenges to an action that is necessary for us to take to move forward, we don’t do it. We avoid it, run from it, procrastinate.
What challenges from the past are you afraid to relive? What life experiences do you avoid because of that fear? Would it be worth it to you to start identifying and transforming those fears?
Good morning every one!! 🥰
Ok, it’s monday, but who said Monday’s HAVE to be bad? Screw it. Have a bloody awesome day anyway ✌🏻❤️ aaaaannddd cause I missed pancake Sunday yesterday I’m thinking of challenging myself and making some today.... idk 🤔
Side note: I am working on replying to everyone who’s left comments over the past few days haha I’m just super duper busy and keep forgetting 😂 BUT I DO LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU ALL 💕❤️💘💖💝💞
Hello friends! We will be meeting tomorrow, Monday 3/25 from 7-8 pm in Blair 213! This week we'll be talking about how self-talk can impact our state of mind and the intersection between eating disorders and trauma survival. We hope to see you there 💖
One of my favourite things about having a healthy body? Boobies. Breasts. Tits. Whatever you want to call them. Also my bottom, my peach, my behind. I’m not too keep on the rest of my body but I am working on it.
When I want to tell people my story, whether that be on here or in life I can sometimes feel awkward. The people reading behind the screen will have judgements and perceptions that may be different from the ones I am attempting to create. Some people may think ‘poor girl’ but I do not want your sympathy. People who are still stuck in their mental illness and can be competitive may think ‘that’s nothing I’ve been way worse than that!’ But mental illnesses can not be compared because everybody’s experience is different and everyone’s pain in valid. Some people may think ‘here she goes again with the mental health stuff’ but you have to understand that my whole teenage years are filled with nothing but ‘mental health stuff’. Some people may take it for what it actually is; proof that you can recover. I have been there. I have seen, heard and felt. But I have fought and I am here. I will never tell you recovery is easy in fact it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it is also the best thing I have done in my life.
I want you to believe me when I tell you I was there, I was broken, sitting at the bottom of that black hole not even having energy to open my eye to see the light at the top.
But now I am here and I am living and I am loving every second of it, both the ups and the downs. I’m not saying recovery is happiness, roses, Daisy’s and rainbows. It’s more like screaming, crying, relapsing, fighting, trying again and again and again whilst feeling like you are getting nowhere but suddenly one day you look up and there you are, outside in the real world. Walking your dog, doing grocery shopping, meeting friends, having tea with your family, cuddling cats when you catch yourself and realise you haven’t felt low for 2 days now and that’s a record!
What I want you to know is you can do it. You can you can you can.
I will never accept an ‘I can’t recover’ from anyone because I KNOW you can.
I’m falling asleep so signing off now tatty bye
My moms homemade dinner tonight! It was ham, cauliflower, sweet potatoes, mini naan, milk and an orange. When I first looked at this meal I thought “ oh. My. God. That is a lot of food”. My eating disorder immediately started telling me that’s more then I should have and trying to calculate the calories and figure out how everything was cooked. My ED has figured out a way to make the mundane, everyday activity of eating a marathon of thoughts and anxieties and fears. It tells me meals like this will add up, then I’ll get fat, and then I will have no worth/control/love/happiness,etc,etc. But if I take a step back and look at this with my rational brain I see that this is a proper meal. It has protein, carb, fat, dairy, fruit, vegetables, minerals and vitamins. This is normal. This is fuelling my body. This is nourishment, not numbing. Even though I feel like I’m losing control, it is my eating disorder that is losing its control over me.
i don’t think my food photos will ever look pretty lol. i’d rather enjoy a warm meal than spend ages trynna make it look perfect cause i’m a perfectionist and a half, once i start i can’t stop ha
i just feel like i’m drowning in something that has the unforgiving, suffocating resemblance of some kind of river or ocean or something.
kicking my legs for dear life and gasping for air.
i don’t know if there is any way out and i feel like giving up on even trying cause i’m so fed up of wasting my time on trying to get to something that may not even be possible.
but i can’t give up i just can’t.
if i give up i’ll die plain and simple.
i’m just terrified.
i try to keep it positive on this page but my recovery and current mental state is far from it.
i don’t know i feel like i don’t want this to always be sunshine and rainbows but i don’t want it to be possibly triggering for people.
i just feel like this is my one place to turn to...
my one comfort.
but i don’t even feel like i can truly express myself on here without the fear of triggering someone. .
i just want to help people. that’s all i’ve ever wanted to do. but i don’t know how much longer i can support others if i’m not even doing it for myself.
i want to be able to fly away over the mountains and the valleys and just fucking escape from everything.
i wish i had wings that could carry me far, far away from here. from everything holding my down.
to feel the wind rush through my hair and sting my face. to skim the lakes and soar through the trees towards a new fucking day. the sun beaming on my face.
i just want to be able to get away from earth, i guess.
far. far. far away. mars sounds good. or even like a different solar system? just far away.
i don’t know. i just wish i could help more people without harming myself even more. i’ve ultimately reached my breaking point.
but i have to stay strong. and positive. .
damn i have no idea wtf i just said lol, probably made no sense but uhhh yeah i’m a bit messy atm lol. late night chats with annie hehe. here’s a photo of my dins earlier btw, it was yummy but left me feeling veeeery sick... as per usual atm haha. night loves X
This morning’s breakfast was toast, sausage, scrambled eggs with tomato, and fruit (and a small half-cup portion or so of cereal). 😋
After the debate tournament last night, I went out with friends at a school event and had tons of yummy Korean food for dinner, which was a big plus. And then I went to sing karaoke with some of my debate team friends, which was really fun. I even got to sing a song (Lighters), and though I was super versus, I got lots of support, and I overall just had an amazing time with my friends and teammates. 😊
Right now, though, I’m looking back on last night and feeling so grateful for choosing recovery. I have always wanted to sing karaoke with people and go to cool events with friends but never would because I either did not have enough energy. I was always exhausted by 9:30 or 10 PM, and it would usually be because I just hadn’t had enough food to fuel my energy. But here I am now—living life and having fun. Recovery is so worth it. 😌
•6 biscuit de jengibre "ecovida" +1 durazno🍑 + leche sabor cafe.
Holiis personis xd javaj eh estadoo super de animo , de verdad que me ayudo ir al colegio y estresarme con las tareas xd , na broma 🤣 amo ir al colegio todos me han tratado super bien 😍 pero obiamente tambien e recibido comentarios como "pareces palo" "estas muy flaca" y etc , obio no dejo que me afecte , simplemente me daaa iguall 😋 . En cuanto a las comidas me e atrevi a comer mas cosas como galletitas , banana bread , galletas de agua y cosas que antes para mi erann reee prohividas 😂 , tambien me a ayudado el no estar publicando tan seguido por que el publicar me hizo crear una obsesion con los horarios🙄 pero buee... Mentalmente estoy re bien , aunque admito que me comparo mucho con mis compañer@s qur a veces no desayunan o siquiera almuerzan😫 y eso me hace sentir mal :( y sentir culpa :( . Por ultimo voy a explicar que e estado comiendo cosas livianas por que me duele mucho el estomago y para colmo me cuesta ir al baño😪 Alguien que me de tips o algo o consejosss plisss!
Merienda |17:10| 1/4 de helado de chocolate amargo • tiramissú • stracciatella (granizado)
Cómo están? Yo hoy bastante bien a pesar de que vino a mi casa mi tía que siempre me hace comentarios medio triggering pero bue. Comí helado porque surgió y bueno no había razón para privarme de esto. Es más ahora lo como casi todas las semanas y de a poquito se me va el miedo! Así que, #recoverywin? En otras noticias, ya no me preocupa estar sentada tanto tiempo porque la otra vez que había bajado de peso estaba sentada todo el día en la escuela. Me re alegro que voy superando obsesiones y disfruto y vivo más mi vida aaaah. Les mando besos ❤️En un rato me reporto con la cena
‘Non compliance’ means us as health professionals have not adequately met clients where they are at.
Health at Every Size as a practice paradigm means the individual seeking assistance is the expert on all things related to their own body. Advice or support should never be met with ‘non compliance.’ Non compliance is a failure of the health professional in not adequately seeking out where their client was at in the first place and helping them in a way that is meaningful for them. I.e. health professionals who recommend weight loss and it doesn’t happen, is NEVER ‘non compliance’ on the clients behalf. We know weight loss doesn’t work long term, we know it is never ever the failure of the client, it is their body fighting to support the weight its meant to be.
So my first triumph on this account is this 3 COURSE MEAL! It was my friends wedding yesterday and i cannot tell you how much it meant to be a part of the celebration. To be present, to be conscious, to be alive and actually living. You can't put a price on that. Every single mouthful was a challenge but i did it, despite the voices in my head, despite the fact i ate more than other people on my table, despite wearing clothes i wasnt comfortable in, i did it and thats the greatest thing ever. Recovery has given me so much but this was just incredible! I am so happy to be alive and finally living! This is what we fight for my friends. This is what we live for: small victories for a greater purpose!
How are you?🎀🙏
Last Monday (it's Sunday by the way) I had therapy again and we noticed that I gained weight again😵💪 (+300g).
⏩I'm now officially ALLOWED to go jogging/ horse-back-riding once a week ❤❤👍 = Recovery worth it❗❗❗
🔜When I gain at least another 200g till tomorrow (big step, because it's a new number (without comma) 😥) I can skip one Fresubin and get FOOD instead of 😊🎀
🔝 The pic is my #fearfoodsaturday challenge 💪 I asked my (kind of) stepfather for cake in the afternoon 🎂 And he bought it without knowing me which sort of 😥 Honestly, I was so f*cking scared❗ The plate is really big and the cake was for himself, my mum and me. I ate the half cheese cake 👍🎀 which was actually so nice ✌😅 And in the evening the half crumble-cherry thing🍒😊 (⚠I'm scared to take the emoji of the face, which looks like it eat sth delicious... Nice😒)
For the past few months I’ve been strolling instead of scrolling ^^^^^ 🐾🌲🍁🍃🌳
I’ve listen to what I’ve needed and given myself a break, to pause and really process...
What has helped and my answer is really to work inward 💭 (and give myself a break for previously not having the energy to work out) To continue to TUNE IN to listen more to my body and to myself. To pause and when I feel myself speeding up, which I SO naturally do... to remind myself to pause AGAIN and go at a slower pace.
To get outside MORE and to just breathe. ✨The magic shift really is to always delve a little deeper into what I’m really feeling. To be courageous- to be vulnerable. With myself and with those around me.
And remind myself that the only way OUT is IN. 💭✨
Feeling wiser, feeling refreshed and feeling ready to refocus on my business (always while keeping focus on my own wellbeing)🙏🏼 can’t wait to share with you lots of #mindset and #wellbeing workshops and events over the coming months 😘
Photo credits @positivelypresent and @katietombs 📸
WellMix Deluxe Double Choc!
Aufjedenfall schön schokoladig! Und die Konsistenz gefällt mir sogar noch besser als bei den anderen WellMix oder Proteinriegeln die ich bis jetzt hatte. Auch die Crispy Schicht gibt noch das gewisse etwas. Das einzige was ich an dem Riegel noch ändern würde, wäre eine Schokocreme oben drauf 🙈 Aber trotzdem! ein neuer Favorit
Update nach dem zweiten Riegel: Beim Zweiten mal hatte er irgendwie eine viel intensivere Schokocreme noch über der typischen Proteinriegel Creme! Zumindest habe ich sie jetzt richtig geschmeckt! War viel besser als beim ersten mal 😊😍
need some reasons to keep going? need some reason to recover or choose even recovery? then here’s some reasons why i am fighting🧡
my dogs,my bunnies,my cats, my family,to inhale the crisp fresh air on an autumns morning when the leaves are crunchy and an array of orange. the waves when they crash against my feet in the summer, walks with my family,swimming,singing and dancing around my room in nothing but my dads oversized top whilst the whole household is probably wondering what the fuck i am doing😏to try new foods, to put my chef antics into action,go eat out at restaurants i’m irrationally ‘scared’ of, to go on holidays again, to have my own family and this is something i so so so so want! to be older and have my little children running round me whilst i moan at my partner too help me with the washing up.i want to explore the world;travel across oceans and help those in need. i want to live. i want to fall down, cry and learn from my mistakes. i want too make new friends,build relationships, find myself and happiness too. i want to make a difference; to not only my life but those around me to. i can’t do any of those things if i’m consumed in anorexia because it will either be physically impossible or the harsh truth is i’ll probably be dead by then.
COMMENT J'AI DÉCIDÉ DE TAPER DU POING SUR LA TABLE [épisode 10]
10 épisodes déjà! 🎉 10 posts pour vous partager mon expérience et ma vision de la recovery. 10 posts qui je l'espère vous aide à vous battre!
Aujourd'hui, je voudrais aborder mon alimentation. Beaucoup d'entre vous me demandent régulièrement quel est mon plan alimentaire. Je dois bien avouer que je n'en ai pas. Je me fixe, en réalité, des quotas de calories pour chaque repas et me fixe quelques règles pour avoir l'alimentation la plus équilibrée possible. J'ai révélé à certaines mes rations caloriques mais ne veut pas les exposer ici pour éviter toutes comparaisons qui pourraient être néfastes. D'autres personnes fonctionneront plutôt avec un plan alimentaire ou tout autre stratégie qui leur est propre. Cela dépend vraiment de chacun.
Par où commencer sa realimentation? Et bien, dans un premier temps, sachez qu'il ne faut pas à tout prix penser que se réalimenter signifie manger équilibrer. Cela fait des mois parfois des années que vous êtes en restriction ou subissez des crises de boulimie ou d'hyperphagie et dans tous les cas vous avez souvent perdu tout repère d'une alimentation "normale". Ainsi, en ce qui me concerne, j'ai dans un premier temps à manger des choses que j'aimais. En l'occurrence, des légumes. Puis petit à petit il a fallu réintégrer les protéines. J'ai opté pour celles qui me faisaient le plus envie ou me degoutaient le moins, à savoir les oeufs et les protéines végétales. Toujours en menposant la question : quel plus petit effort suis-je pret e à faire pour les 3 jours à venir? Puis il en a été de même pour les féculents et les lipides.
.Vous le voyez, j'achète rarement d'aliments transformés, je cuisine pour tous mes repas. Cependant, au début, ne sachant plus quoi manger ni comment faire pour préparer un repas, je me suis beaucoup tournée vers des choses déjà prêtes : crackers ou muffins anglais (merciiiii @remember_mydream pour la découverte de fou! 😜) en guise de féculents, pâté ou galettes ou steak végétaux en source de protéines. Cela me permettait de moins réfléchir tout en continuant de me battre. Et cela m'a permis par la suite de pouvoir retrouver des repères! ⤵
Coucou tout le monde 🤗 voilà je décide de recommencer ce compte qui me semblait après tout assez malsain dans le fond. Je vais essayer d'y suivre de nouvelles lignes :
- je ferai un post par jour, a priori, dans lequel je vous raconterai ma journée, à priori avec mon complément alimentaire
- je ne posterai plus de photos de mes repas car de toute façon soit je mange une misère soit je mange un peu plus et je me fais vomir
- je posterai occasionnellement et si ça vous intéresse d'autres photos avec des légendes peut-être plus personnelles (j'attends vos suggestions!!😘🍭)
- je posterai mes victoires particulièrement mais pas les repas généraux puisque ceux-ci sont de plus en plus triggering 😫
- rassurez vous, je serai toujours autant active en story et active en messages pour celles avec qui des liens se sont créés :)😘 Mes anciennes publications vont être petit à petit supprimées, et je commence des demain cette nouvelle utilisation de ce compte qui je l'espère m'aidera davantage 🌸🌸🌸 douce nuit à vous!
PS : je pense passer en privé également ;) #me#selfie#anorexia#anorexiarecovery#ana#recovery#ed#edrecovery#edfighter#food#foodblog#eatingdisorder#ednos#edfam#anafighter#strongnotskinny#fearfood#recoverywin#challenge#anarecovery#tca#anorexie#diet#skinny#mentalhealth#tw#mentalillness#relapse#weightloss
★·.·★ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ★·.·★
Finally - after over a year - my period returned. It means my body is finally healthy, and I have weighted for what feels like an eternity.
It is no a quick process, and it comes back for everyone at different points. I have been a 'healthy weight' for 6ish months with no period.
What I did to get it back was eating more and stressing about it less. My period has never been regular, so my cahms team don't need my period to become monthly before they let me maintain.
I would lie awake crying about wanting my period back. It's really fucking tough, I'm not going to lie to you. I know it can feel like you are just gaining weight and getting nothing out of it, but that is the only way it will return.
You can't really stay at a BMI of 18.5 with no period and expect it to return if it's been months of maintaining at that weight. You have to throw caution to the wind and trust that the only thing that will work to make it return is by gaining more weight.
And, the less you think about it, the more likely it is to return. My best friend has never had an ED and has never been underweight, but has severe anxiety and once didn't get a period for 6 months because of it. Try to let it go, and when you do, it will come back.