I was smiling because I felt good about myself but had nowhere to be that night. Living in my own studio a block from the beach. I had to talk myself into being ok with the idea of being happy/feeling good about myself. Then made myself look at the camera and take pictures with a smile (wether it was real or fake). Out of all the photos I took in those 30 minutes, this is the only one that survived. And if I’m going to be 100% honest, I still have to do the same convincing almost every morning, to some extent. Some mornings I need more of it than others, which means I’m improving...and improving is good right? Baby steps not leaps. Babies eventually learn to run though..? When do I get to run? Leave the convincing of myself in the past. I’m over just learning/starting to learn to walk but still only walking. Picking up the pace a little but why is there no switch to flip to jump ahead and just get there... probably because, if you’re going to do something you should do it right. And go through all the pitfalls of changing your way of thinking because if you don’t do that now you’ll get to the other end but not know how to battle the thoughts that currently reside in the back of your mind. So I’ll get there. Not tomorrow but soon enough.
So disappointed in myself. Fucked my skin the day before I see my ED therapist. I want to be open with her about everything but I feel like I can’t because every time I open my mouth my head just bombards me with how I’m ugly and disgusting and how that’s all she’ll be thinking. One of my greatest fears is if people see me how I see myself and with the added bonus of fucked skin it is just so overwhelming. I know the same will happen tomorrow and it’s all my fault 😓
Growing up, I essentially learned/taught myself to suck it up and figure things out on my own. To pick myself up when things go wrong, things got tough or when nothing was going according to plan. To cry for a minute but that’s it, get to the solution, get to figuring out why things happened and what needs to be done. Its a nice mindset to have but as a result I’ve had to start teaching myself that asking for help when I really do need it and am at the end of my ropes is ok. It’s something that’s so drilled into how I am that if you were to meet me today you’d probably think I’m lying when I say I’ve been working on it. My brain has been wired to not bother others with my difficulties or my mistakes/screwups. You did this so pull yourself together and fix it. That that’s life, get over it, mentality. A little harsh sometimes but still I feel that that’s life and everyone has their own problems so I personally shouldn’t bother others with mine. More than happy and willing to help someone else but never ok for me to ask them same if I’m the one needing the help... I know where it comes from. I know why I built myself into the person that is determined to solve it all on her own because no one should need to worry about her...but the reason doesn’t make it ok. For as long as I can remember I had always told myself that I wouldn’t be that person. It’s incredible to think that it’s become so ingrained in me, to figure things out without needing to disrupt someone else, that I actually have to attempt to consciously tell myself it’s ok to not be able to fix every life problem on my own. Still, I rather not ever ask than ask for help on every small thing. But where’s my middle ground? How am I supposed to know when it’s a big enough deal to be ok asking for help? That’s where I fail, because I don’t think anything in my personal life is big/important enough to ask for someone to put down the pieces in their own life to help with what I screwed up in mine... just putting a late night wonder through my mind out there
Can’t believe I’ve only JUST tried a KFC Stacker Burger.... I’ll never go back to ordering a normal zinger burger. Packed with double zinger fillets, 2 cheese slices, super charged sauce and chilli relish - this was the size of my head and had to be cut in half as it was too big to bite into... totally exceeded my expectations in taste and size. Rating: 10/10! 🍔
/real talk/ Weight restoration is HARD. You reach a point in weight restoration where people no longer see you as being on the brink of death, and come to accept that maybe you’re just “naturally thin”. I think this is be point where so many of us want to throw in the towel (and unfortunately, often do), but we are only cheating our bodies and our happiness if we do so. My advice? Gain those extra pounds. Eat those yummy foods. Persevere through all the inevitable bad body image days. And after all that? Maybe, just maybe, you’ll feel your ED relinquish its control over your life. 💕 #weightrestoration
Finally tried these!! And honestly, they taste kind of like...a candle? 😂 Not bad though. My mom loves them so much she’s already eaten 2 rows in 2 days lol so your mileage may vary! Something special happened today. I took Layla to PetSmart for our weekly training session and she had a complete meltdown in the store 😰 I needed to speak to the manager (I swear I’m not THAT person 😂) but Layla had melted onto the floor and was refusing to move. She clearly has anxiety, and had reached her threshold. A very kind old man got out of the long line to come help comfort her and then volunteered to hold her leash and stay with her while I spoke to the manager. I don’t trust strangers, especially with my dog, but this man’s sincerity won me over. His kindness really caught me off guard. I was touched. Humans can be really disappointing, but sometimes they surprise you. Good people are out there, always.
Good morning, friends! Happy Friday and happy national milk day! How are you all? Make sure you take care of yourself, today and every day, starting with a good breakfast 😊 I know it’s easy to overlook, but make time for it!! You will feel so much better. I hope you all have a fantastic day!
The ramen I made. No noodles because I'm allergic to gluten and I was trying to keep my sensitivities from flaring up. So just chicken, soft boiled eggs, and veggies.
It made me SO full. Had a glass of milk in the side too and hummus and carrots and a few pieces of salami.
I need to get some mental health rest today. My brain feels like its full of silver wires and that doesnt seem right to me. So sleep it is, until work... kisses!
I have a serious love hate relationship with this picture. I hate the way I look in it but absolutely love the memories/emotions it brings back... This was that tiny break between lives where you think you’re normal. You think everything is fine and you won the final battles. So enthused to have zero worries in the world and living life one moment at a time. It’s a strange thing to want to feel normal, isn’t it? You fix something that’s wrong and all of a sudden you’re a happier person, you tell yourself that that’s what being normal/healthy/happy feels like. That this is what everyone else feels like, but before you know it, the next life hits you. Or you realize you only got one tiny piece of the pie fixed. If you discover the trick to not only finding it but to making it stay with you for forever let me know. I started college not knowing what was wrong with me. I ate because I knew I had to eat something to survive. Never hungry, never full. No matter how much or little I ate. I called mom every other night in complete breakdown mode because life and school was so easy for everyone around me. I was fading away faster & faster everyday. Until the news of being diagnosed with Celiac Disease. All I wanted was to feel normal. But then... what does normal feel like? Instead of normal, I now want to feel happy, to allow myself to go on more adventures, to smile and laugh as much as possible, I just want to enjoy. Normal or not, doesn’t matter. Excited to take on the next challenge...that’s what matters. Easier said than done most times but doing my best to remind myself that I need to just throw my hands up, have the time of my life and not worry about what’s coming next quite so much. Life’s a crazy roller coaster ride and the most exciting way to ride a rollercoaster is with your hands in the air, not looking back and not knowing quite where the track goes next.
im really missin’ this sushi from last night 💕 avocado, sweet potato, and salmon roll 👌🏻👏🏻 i’m officially committing to doing whatever the hell it takes to be fully recovered. why live life on the edge? why be only partially physically healed and not at all mentally healed? i’m ready to be 100% recovered, whatever it takes. i’m ready to at least TRY to love my body and to accept that being skinny isn’t my mission in life. i know i’ve “decided” this many times, but this time i’m hoping i stick with it! #edrecovery#eatwellbewell#eatwell#feedyoursoul#beatinged#foodfreedom
From start to end (pics)...And just like that; bye bye therapy! 2 years I’ve spent driving here weekly! 2 years I’ve spent crying in a room every week going over and over the same issues and problems. A lot has changed in those years apart from my appearance; I have changed! My outlook on life has changed! Myself as a person, has changed! When I first started therapy, I was in so much denial that I had a problem and when they diagnosed me with anorexia nervosa, I actually remember laughing. I remember being so delusional and refusing all diagnosis because I just felt fine. I felt okay skipping meals, I felt okay that I was compensating with behaviours. Who would have thought that a year after that diagnosis, I would be threatened with hospital admissions, having blood tests multiple times a week, having heart monitors fitted and overnight stays! Anorexia isn’t glamorous, eating disorders ARE NOT GLAMOROUS! But do you know what is??? Seeing the other side. Seeing the light that’s been shining so faint your whole journey! When you spot that light, even for a second, don’t stop chasing it! This time last year I was so happy to give up and just be done...a year later; I said no more therapy; why? Because I don’t want it. Everything in my way now is things that I need to overcome by myself! I’m still seeing my dietician but as far as therapy goes; no more for me! I was in my session not even 10 minutes today and nothing was said; I had nothing to say! My therapist turned around and said ‘something shifted over Christmas, what’s happened’? And I was honest, I told her that I had a talk with a friend of mine and what she said really hit me in the face! She told me so many things, she told me she believed in me, she told me she could see my worth more than I could myself; she has more faith in me than I’ll ever have in myself! The list goes on; but from then, I haven’t gave up. Yes; some aspects of food may be an issue and I’m still struggling a little to find consistency BUT, that’ll come with time. No amount of talking and therapy will help - your life is a lesson and everything you come to face with is an answer...it’s time to start living, not just surviving❤
last night i had a milkshake and i’m honestly so proud of myself. after drinking it, however, i fell into a rough rut of insecurity and food guilt. it triggered a lot of terrifying feelings like - i’m fat now, i hate my body, why did i eat such crap, etc. - but when i woke up this morning, i realized - “why? why should i feel guilty about splitting a really freaking good milkshake with my boyfriend?” I realized having a milkshake once in a while doesn’t make you “unhealthy” or fat, it’s simply living life. don’t food shame, don’t have food guilt, but rather eat intuitively, live life, and focus on what’s actually important. remember, health is doing what your body wants - your body doesn’t want you to restrict, your body wants a milkshake once in a while 😝
Ummm...crunchy nut cornflakes for breakfast?? I think so😍 I used to devour these pre-ED and haven’t had them for like 2-3 years...but here we are; making a change💪🏼 I forgot how good they are!!!🙊 topped with unsweetened soya milk too of course🙆🏻♀️! -
So; guess what today is?? Therapist day! Brilliant🙄 I don’t want to go. I don’t like going. I’m done with talking about my issues every week and not getting anywhere. Like I go every week; to come back home with the same issues still surrounding me!! I feel none stop judged every time I sit in front of her and especially when I walk out; she always lets me out the door first and I can feel her eyes burning into the back of me; fully judging me! And I’m not being stupid and presuming stuff; it’s happened before! I’ve walked out infont of her and she’s commented on my legs telling me how ‘toned’ and how much ‘healthier they’re looking’ - and we all know what our heads scream that to be! ‘Ha; fat legs; you’re obese...etc’; you get it?? I hate it! Why does she have to comment! Fuck sake I just don’t want to go; but I’ve been avoiding her appointments for over a month now! I want my old therapist back!😶🙄! I’m tempted to discharge myself and just be done with it all and at least try to get on with my life. Like I get on with my dietician and that’s it - I never used to; but I really do now! I’ve just never seen eye to eye with this certain therapist! Ever! I saw her a few times when my original therapist was away and I didn’t ever want to go...I know I have to face the music and just go but I genuinely would rather not!🤦🏻♀️-
At least I’m busy the rest of today to take my mind off of it after! I have therapy and then I’m meeting up with two friends; then I have work (teaching); then dance💃🏻! I went back to work and dance last night and I had the best night sleep ever last night🤣 it’s good to be back💪🏼 have a lovely day guys!❤️
Chocolate caramel toffee ice cream 🤩 I made this yesterday and it’s so good!! Body image has not been great, but I am not letting it affect my eating. I know I need to eat no matter what. I was thinking, I would NEVER deny Layla food at mealtime. Why is that even an option for myself? We need to treat ourselves with kindness, just as we do for those we care about. Food is fuel, not a moral issue.
Have you ever hit rock bottom? I know it’s something that happens & in life there’s a point where we throw in the towel, put our hands in the air & tell ourselves that’s it. That we can’t take anymore-that this is what rock bottom feels like. There’s two ways to go from there. We either look the devil in the eyes and say I can & I will, watch me. OR we give into everything around us. I’ve definitely had to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself option one. I’m the girl that lives to prove herself wrong. Life has taken me to some pretty low lows but never did I tell myself that I had hit rock bottom. One of those lows was at 103 pounds & still losing weight, insomnia like you couldn’t believe, thinking I should drive until I ran out of gas & then walking until I just couldn’t walk any further. Losing hair, blood pressure so low that doctors asked how I was still living & moving. I was told that I’d never have a life of my own if I couldn’t help myself or figure out what was wrong. That my parents would forever have to be with & take care of me. Signing for my bloodwork to be used for studies & testing because we had no idea what was wrong. My ship was sinking & the water was filling it up quicker than I could get it out. All while being in college & determined as hell to finish in 4 years...that was bad but not rock bottom. To me rock bottom in a way means giving up & as soon as you say you’re there, you give life an open door & warm welcome to show you your wrong. To tell you, Darling, you have no idea what rock bottom feels like. Here, let’s see how you handle this. And then it pushes you down a notch further. rock bottom is something we creat in our minds to make us believe we have no way to go but up-unless we decide up isn’t worth the fight. And no, I don’t believe that it’s a ridiculous thing/thought to tell yourself or to feel but I do believe it’s something you shouldn’t tell yourself lightly. Instead acknowledged & admit to yourself that things are down, you don’t know how you’ll get yourself back up & that things might get a little worse before they get better...then look in the mirror and say, I can & I will-watch me
Recovery is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but definitely one of the best, and I think for the FIRST TIME in 8 years, I think I'm finally ready to say I HAD an eating disorder. I finally get to be myself, without ED, but it has taken a village to beat ED!
To my incredible friends, thank you for calling my parents when I was not okay, sitting in the bathroom with me so I don't purge, holding me when I cry, coming over when I need you, not letting me push you away despite me trying, supporting me, making me feel loved, cooking me meals, letting me know it's not my fault, force feeding me and giving me a safe haven.
Thank you to my parents for letting me move back home, cooking me meals and buying the food I need to feel safe, putting up with all my moods, always being there for me, welcoming the love of my life into our family, accepting the bunnies and my dog into your home, being the most supportive parents I could ask for, paying for all my therapy and for never ever making me feel like a burden.
To Emma, my psychologist, thank you for all the many hours you've put into me and my recovery, all the extra sessions, all the phone calls and texts, recommending so many books and readings, talking everything through, explaininy it all to me and never giving up on me. I never knew recovery was possible until you. I am so grateful you helped me discover it and for guiding me there.
Charlie, although you haven't been in my life for very long, the effect you've had on my recovery and mental health is invaluable. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, teaching me to love again, being so patient and understanding, loving all of me as I am and making me feel enough, increasing my self confidence, showing that my past doesn't define me, treating me as a person not a mental illness, making me feel beautiful, always making me feel worth it and letting me know I deserve love.
Cheeky Nando’s?? Yes please😍😍😍!!! For the record; I realised I don’t enjoy sweet potato wedges🙄😶 I tried to eat them but I just couldn’t do it🤮 prefer sweet potato fries! -
So a fair few of you have been either leaving comments or messaging me asking for a proper update; like where am I personally and emotionally...so here it goes! If I’m honest, I’m kind of just going with it; and by that I mean I’m just going with each day as it comes. If I feel shit, then I carry on! I’m trying to be more positive and overall have a better outlook on my life and myself...I don’t want to be the person that over thinks every, single, thing! I want to laugh and joke with friends, get on with family, and just overall have a more enjoyable life. Some days are harder than others; but I’m not allowing myself to be weak anymore💪🏼! Eating wise; I’m alright - I’m still struggling and thoughts are loud but again, I’m just going with the flow. Like I can’t actually pin point exactly what’s going on with my eating but it’s like I’ll try so hard to have at least 3 meals but I’m finding myself cutting down on things like carbs and fats but then at the same time; when I haven’t had 3 meals, I’m happy to snack on biscuits or something?? It’s like my heads screaming I can’t have those things if I’ve eaten meals but I’m okay to have them if I haven’t eaten meals??? Know what I mean? Probably doesn’t make sense but it does in my head. I just want to be free of this but it’s like I’m trapped in not actually knowing what freedom around food is - I’m just plodding a long with everything else around me🤷🏻♀️! I’m seeing my therapist on Tuesday and if I’m honest, I’m in the mindset to not go again. I had an appointment a few weeks ago but didn’t go and then didn’t answer her calls - I just don’t see eye to eye with her...but I suppose I can’t run from her; time to face the music I guess....but yeah; I’m okay- just plodding around doing what I need to do🙆🏻♀️! Back to work tomorrow; off teaching and then dancing💪🏼 bring it onnnnn!!! -
I hope you’re all okay: enjoy your evening❤️❤️❤️
THIS IS NOT A - I can’t do this anymore post. This isn’t me giving in. THIS IS A - I’m going to keep doing this until it’s done post. 👊🏼🙋🏼♂️
All those comments on the picture are just a few of the things I’ve caught myself saying to / about myself this past month. I wouldn’t dream of ever saying anything that hurtful to anyone... EVER. So why do I talk to myself like that?
The thing is, I’ve never been happy with the way I look. Never. I say things on the fly all the time like- I hate my teeth, I hate my stomach, I hate my arms... Hate hate hate but at the very same time I’m WHOLEHEARTEDLY committed to trying to love myself.
Recovery is so confusing and so conflicting but my goal for 2019 is to just be kinder to myself. I’m going to try my hardest. I’m not going to put myself down. I’m not going to look in the mirror and pick myself apart. I’m not going to let ED have such a hold over my wellbeing.
I hope those comments aren’t triggering for anyone. This post is about me calling myself out on where I’m going wrong and where my ED is going right if that makes sense! I’m tired of it now, I’m going to explore every option in recovery and if shock and awe works then so be it!
Everything about this community on IG is an inspiration to me. Ive met some true selfless people on here that give me hope and motivation everyday so THANK YOU! As always, peace & love, you guys are the greatest! ❤️
I think that to a lot of outsiders, my mental health journey looks like simply the loss and restoration of weight. To me, it’s been a journey of losing and finding my sparkle. ✨
Despite some rocky times, I think that most of 2018 was focused on me regaining that sparkle. I finished my Master’s coursework with a 4.0 GPA, defended my thesis proposal, completed data collection, presented at the CACBT conference, and co-authored another publication. I completed my first placement in clinical psychology - something that I was told time and time again that I wouldn’t be able to even start because of my illnesses. I also recognized that my recovery journey was FAR from over (and still is!), so I left Regina to seek a higher level of care from my treatment team. I got engaged to one of my biggest motivators throughout the past few years and can happily say that we will be getting married 6 months from now. ———————————————————
NONE of these things would have been possible if I didn’t prioritize my recovery and personal wellbeing. I can’t wait to see what sparkles 2019 has in store for me. 💕
What a DAY. The past 24 hours have been bad, and that’s an understatement. Yesterday evening, Layla got ahold of vanilla extract and ate it. It’s toxic to dogs, so naturally I was very worried. I basically stayed up all night making sure she was okay. Then this morning, my car unexpectedly broke down far from home 😅 with Layla in it! So that was an adventure to say the least lol. Then we were supposed to have a dog training session this afternoon, but PetSmart somehow neglected to tell us it had been canceled 😅 I know that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but taking Layla into a store with so many dogs and people is an ORDEAL. So waiting around for a half hour was not fun lol. Despite all my bad fortune, I’m still feeling pretty upbeat. I have so much to be thankful for! Dogs! Chick-fil-A! My family! You all 😊 I hope you’re taking care of yourselves no matter what life throws at you.
first post of 2019 hellooo !! 💗
as u might know, i’ve been staying at my beach house this past week, and if i could use one word to describe the trip, it would be successful.
yes there were things i did that i am not proud of, (nothing really bad i promise) but aside from that, i did so fucking well with all my meals. i challenged myself sooo many times despite not wanting to half the time
starting with the second pic, on our first day we got fish and chips for lunch and sat at a bench to eat which was rlly cute, and i obvs couldn’t count anything bc unknown cals, but the thought of calories just didn’t even phase me.
third pic, we went to a cafe and i ordered corn fritters and even found a new love for avocado! (used to hate it)
in the next pic, i had a chicken souvlaki!! we spent the day at the beach so we were tired and hungry so souvas were the perfect lunch obviously !!
then swipe again, we went to a restaurant called spitfire, where they sell these maaassive burgers! i ordered the veggie patty burger that came with double cheese, onions, sweet chilli sauce and veggies. this was a HUUUGE challenge for me. i was on the verge of tears after i ordered my burger because i felt so guilty, but i ended up finishing all of it + a hot buffalo wing!
thennnn we had pancakes for breakfast the next day! i really didn’t want to have any, because i was still so full from the night before, but i had them anyway
that same day we went to the beach again, and it was sooo hot so we got slurpees from 7/11! they were so refreshing 🙌🏼😩 (they only had sugar free slurpees so not a recovery win but still wanted to add it in here)
and lastly, pizzaaa! last night was our last night, and we didn’t really feel like making anything so we ordered pizzas! i had 3 pretty large slices, 2 margheritas and 1 meat lover. (plus i also had an icecream cone afterwards but i don’t have a pic) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
this captions so long so thanku if you made it to the end! now that i’m back home, i’m praying i don’t fall back into habits! 🧚🏻♀️
so i’m currently sitting here, on new year’s eve, wondering what the actual fuck i’m supposed to write. i could go on for ages about how shit this year’s been, or about how genuinely grateful i am to be able to sit here on new years eve with my head held high, ready as ever to begin the new year.
i think we can all agree that holyyy fucking shit this years been the worst, literally THE worst year a lot of us have had. so incredibly bad that words would never be able to even describe it.
i went from the start of the year fantasising about anorexia and loving the idea of having everyone’s attention and sympathy because of an eating disorder, to actually being diagnosed with one a couple months later. and boyyy ana really made me regret that and took me for a ride.
little did i know that anorexia is more than just being skinny. from the shame from my family, the self hatred that i thought would die as i lost the weight, to the physical & mental symptoms that destroyed my mind and my body more than anything ever could.
there are days where i struggle more than other days, when ana’s loud and i listen to her, but there is other days where i can step all over ana and she has no way of interfering my life.
i won’t lie, this year i’ve struggled more than i haven’t struggled.
however next year, 2019 is going to be a new year and i mean it. i’ve only been diagnosed with anorexia for 5 months, but i believe i have been struggling all year (if not, for YEARS)
i’m determined to make 2019 my year, i’m determined to heal my mind and my body and allow my body to function optimally. sure, i know there’s going to be a lot of days where i’m faced head on with ana, but it’s those moments that will only make me stronger.
here’s to 2019 🥂
hey beautifuls 💗💓 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
i haven’t been overly active with posting atm but i promise i’ll keep trying to post more
in a few days my dads driving me, my brother & my sister up to our beach house for a week with our cousins! i’ve been pretending i’m excited to go, but truth is i’m reeeally not keen to go this year :( i’m too self conscious of my upper body to wear a bikini at the pools, i’m prepared for the judgement and comments from my cousins and uncle about how much weight i’ve lost :( i just want bigger boobs, hipbones and my back bone covered. i was thinking of wearing some black bike shorts in the pool so you can’t see my hipbones but i don’t know if that’s gonna look odd?
besides that, i’m actually looking forward to all the fun outings and eating out we’re gonna do! i’ll be taking pics & videos of literally everything and documenting my every move on my story as well as the occasional post here and there so stay tuned for all that 😜😜
END TW 🦴
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hope you all had a very merry christmas & boxing day with your friends and families, i know how hard it is at this time of year so i just want to let you all know i am so proud of you. even if you listened to ana and didn’t fill your plate with as much as you should’ve, i’m proud of you for simply just showing up to the dinner table. dealing with families is sometimes harder than dealing with the food, so to have the courage to put yourself on the line and be vulnerable is fknnn amazing 😚
good morning beautifuls!
thankyou for 500 followers!! i appreciate all the love & support i get on here and if it wasn’t for your encouragement and reassurance on my worst days, i would never ever be where i am right now.
i want you all to know that each one of you are SO strong and inspiring, and even if i have never talked to you, i know that you are. to put your life & recovery journey on show for hundreds of strangers is a risky move for anybody, so that in itself tells me you all have massive amounts of strength and courage. 💓💓💓
really challenged myself with this outing this morning! i caught up with one of my gorgeous friends today and went to this new cafe we’ve never been to before that’s close to where we live!
i ordered the sweet potato & corn fritters (deep fried and came with avocado!! 😬), while my friend got a chicken burger.
👉🏻 swipe to the third pic to see my bounty hot chocolate and a tim tam cake we split in half! (super super challenging)
i’m so happy i ate everything! it was all so yummy and i’ll definitely be paying this place a visit again in the future !! 💗💖💓💞
yes cashews i do find you really scary but you’re good for me AND you’re super yummy so i’ll still eat u 🙌🏼
i remember being 11 or 12 when me and mum or dad would go and buy a packet of nuts from the store, i’d get home and i’d eat handfuls and handfuls of them simply because i was just a kid and i felt like it! i wasn’t waiting for meal times or till i was starving just to eat, and i had no idea what calories were or what the ‘perfect’ serving of nuts was (like 10 nuts nah fuck that). i enjoyed the food for what it was and nothing else !! how can i ever go back to that? how can i ever go back to being that careless & free 11 year old girl that would have laughed in your face if she was told how many grams of fat are in a teeny tiny serving of nuts, or how many calories there are
recover to get your old, bubbly and carefree self back, because he or she is hiding deep down and all we have to do is fight to bring them back out again 💗